You're in for a big surprise!
It's quite bonkers around here. There's Polo's mum with a chainsaw, Rory's mum catching chickens, and Honey's weirdo in the brambles. I think it's quite possible that all dog walkers are mad. Mad about our dogs, mad to go out in all sorts of weather.
And then I see the posh couple in the Porsche.
'Where shall we walk?' they ask me, as I was doing my weekly litter clear-up.
'Oh' say I. 'Do you want to walk in the woods or over the farm?'
The woman in her long cashmere coat says 'We want some sun'.
'Well then, cross the road, go down the bridle path until you reach the horse gate. Don't go through the horse gate. Turn right and climb over the stile'. They put their wellies on and set off. Five minutes later they were back, jumped in the Porsche and took off. They obviously didn't fancy the muddy path.
Meanwhile, I called a meeting with the local Police Community Support Officer (PCSO). As it happens, the woods are the responsibility of a different PCSO to the Village. This time a rather large man turned up, a bit bemused at the fury of the dog walkers. We get quite animated about fly-tipping, anti-social behaviour and the man with ladders on his car, who was definitely enjoying some one-on-one time with himself, if you know what I mean.
I'll leave you with what goes on in Brin the Boxer's head when the Postman delivers.